what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
