strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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