why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
