I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I accidentally burped into my bong.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
