Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize