you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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