We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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