Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
