Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
