I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
