In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize