I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
50% drunk capacity currently
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
