it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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