You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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