we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
