you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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