worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
