In the future we'll all be gay
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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