I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
