well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
