How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
