Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
