just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
