A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
