Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
