Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
