i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
