he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was confusing and full of hummus
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
