how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
