I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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