I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
