i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
