The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
