So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
