Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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