and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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