You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would ride that face into the sunset
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
