my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
