the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
