i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
