Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
