I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
