I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
