I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
how does that bad decision feel?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
