Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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