i would punch a child for taco bell
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
