This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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