She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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