Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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