Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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