Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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