Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
