If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
