Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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