Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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