Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
