I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we're so committed to being not committed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
