If that was your dad, he is hot
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
