Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize