That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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