I accidentally burped into my bong.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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