I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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