Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
