If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
