The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
