I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
