@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
