my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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