Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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